Ah, the HILL trip. Should I bother to explain? Not really…I was there, I have my journal for future reference, along with the recollections of others. I have no real desire to relive it all step by step. I have to write a paper on the whole experience by next week. Today we had the dreaded conversation about group dynamics. Apparently we’re one of the best classes Mr T has ever had on the trip in the sense that there were no major problems, no catfights, no attempts to solicit illegal substances. However, we are also extremely clique-y, as observed in the lines that were drawn out there. It wasn’t like we didn’t know everyone, or that we were’nt comfortable talking to everyone; that was fine. But when we got out there, it was three groups: the four boys, the four girls (Taryn, Hilary, Nicole and Jennie) and then us, me, Heather, Rae, Sara, Ashley, and Kim. By the end of the trip there were only two groups: us and them.
That is probably something that I will remember for a long while, this truth that there will always be separations, and that I will not always be the person that everyone wants to associate with. I was glad to return because here I feel much more free than in that little group of fourteen. We were all so compressed that the lines were instantly visible, anywhere. Back here, we’re spread out, it’s not so obvious, and I actually feel like people desire my company. Aside from my friends, of course, who were amazing on this trip. The majority of fun that I had was the time spent in their company, not time gazing at the Grand Canyon or even Sedona, which I absolutely loved. People are what matter in life, the people who care about you. Not the opinions of people whom you will never see again after a month or so. Not the charming vistas that you may never lay eyes on again. There will always be sunsets and forests and mountains, but time spent with people who love you is precious. Hey, a tie-in to King Lear! He only learned at the end that the love of his daughter was more precious than worldly power as a king. He was content to live with her in prison, forsaking all his position and esteem. Unfortunately, she was murdered, and then he died of heartbreak, but that has no relation to my story.
Ummm….so yeah. HILL class never became what it was made out to be, but I guess that’s ok. At least I get an easy A- for a class with no work, no tests, a bunch of people I’m friends with and a basic lunchhour. It’s almost over soon anyway. I’m so glad to be back, especially now that I have Greg and Meghan again! Oooh and prom’s coming too. Excitement! And then graduation, and FREEDOM!!!

The HILL trip's a week from tomorrow!!! Yay! I think my mom was a little concerned because there's fourteen of us and only two chaperones. But really, how much trouble are going to get into in, like, Phoenix? Go to some back alley porn store and try to pick up a prostitute? Sure. Of course, Mr T did warn us about watching porn on TV, and mentioned the availability of certain movies *cough cough*. Amusingly, he directed his comments to the boys. I really wish I could bring my laptop; I know i could journal so much better if i were typing. Somehow I doubt that there'll be any cybercafes in the hotels like there were in france. Of course, only Rae was dedicated enough to pay money to use the computers lol. Still, I wish I'd journaled more over there. I wrote some brief notes on little pieces of paper, several of which I've lost--on turned up in my makeup box, of all places; it was about going to Toledo, and how they called it the "living museum", and how I'd spent the bus ride thinking about Manuel. I also have a random memory of getting off the bus in Toledo when we got to the forge to watch them make the swords, and Merideth was telling me all about her plan to come back to Spain in the summer and stay with Christian. Yeeeaaah. That would really happen. She always said that she wrote to him and he wrote back, but somehow I don't think she did.

I just read an article at nytimes.com on how building your dream home in the woodlands of the Northeast can bring a really high risk of getting Lyme disease, which sucks. Apparently, small cleared plots of woodland have three times as many infected ticks; one three-acre plot has 600 ticks per acre, and 75% of them were infected with Lyme disease. Well there goes my dream of building myself a really comfy lodge up north someday. I think I'll just build it in the Pacific Northwest instead. They'ev got mountains and woods over there, and apparently the mice that carry Lyme disease are less populous in that part of the nation.

In other news, the Iraqi Minister of Information is still denying the fact that any Americans have entered Baghdad, despite the fact that several news sources have taken photos of soldiers storming Saddam's palaces and walking through the streets. This guy is still claiming that the dirty Americans haven't even gotten near the city. I wonder how many Iraqis believe him? They showed pictures in the Courant of Iraqis cheering the British soldiers who are taking over Basra. Obviously they can't speak for the entire nation of Iraq, but it supports the idea that at least some of them are happy with what we are doing. Some people are of the opinion that we're not liberating them, we're murdering them and going to war with a peaceful people. Hello, we're not at war with the Iraqi people! We're at war with a crazy dictator who has for decades controlled the lives of his people absolutely. He has murdered every dissenter, crushed every revolt, and determined what his people can wear, watch, hear and eat. He massacred the Kurds in the northern part of the country and used chemical weapons against his own people. He developed weapons of mass destruction with the full intent of using them on innocent people. He attacked a peaceful neighboring country with no provocation, merely out of greed and ambition, and when the UN stepped in to stop him, he turned those weapons on the soldiers. Saddam Hussein is not "good people", and his continued health and well-being posed a distinct threat to the rest of the free world. Ten years of disregarding UN sanctions and a total lack of respect for weapons inspectors show that this man never had any intention of relinquishing any sort of power. The people of Iraq were suffering and dying under those sanctions--should we have waited for Saddam to die, only so another dictator could take his place? I'm not saying that Iraqi civilian casualties are acceptable; they're not. It's terrible that those people were killed. But it's my belief that when the Iraqi people have a taste of true freedom, they will prefer a new existence to the tyranny of the old days.

Ok, rereading what I wrote, that probably seems really strong and grrr men suck because they don't read minds. It's not like that....entirely....I know greg loves me, and I know that he probably tries to think of interesting things, but I just can't help but wish that after all this time he would just understand the kind of thing that I'm thinking of. I just don't want to feel as though he doesn't really know me enough to understand where I'm coming from.

It's thirteen days now, till the trip to the Southwest. I'm excited. It also means i have so much stuff to finish before then, especially my research paper and greg's anniversary present. I've been working on it almost every day, and it's about half-way done, but i have to make out a schedule so i'll have everything i need for it in time. A friend of mine observed that whatever greg does is going to have to be pretty damned special to merit all the effort that i've put into this thing--which is a lot. But it's like I'm trying not to put my hopes too high. I know he'll try, of course, but in the unfortunate event that it turns out to be, shall we say, less than stellar, I don't want to have had a thousand romantic notions and then find myself utterly disappointed. Those aren't fun times. And it's not like i expect him to do something along the lines of what I am, because I just love doing things like this, and I'm perfectly willing to spend a long time with it, and he's, well, a guy. At the same time, someone tried to tell me that this is just the way things are, that men aren't any good at this whole romantic thing, and that's such crap. This person's basic message was: you better just deal with it, because it doesn't get any better. Hm, then how is it that I see a lot of the guys around me doing really cool things? Example: on scott and marianne's anniversary, scott decorated her locker with balloons and ribbons and this gigantic heartshaped collage he had made of the two of them. Now, this is scott, the big class clown who delights in making dumb jokes and laughing like a monkey with his little chimp friend, and it was seriously the sweetest thing i had ever seen him do. So i don't believe that this is a general fault of the gender. I can't help it if i want something that required imagination or inspiration or just something beyond what can be purchased in a store! See, now I'm getting all worked up. And i really need to go start my homework, so this rant is officially over.