School

Everyone's commenting on how different this year seems from last year. Instead of things being fresh and new, we're settling back into our old patterns and laughing at the freshmen who can't find Canisius or Bannow on the map. We're back to rounding up a giant herd of people for dinner--tonight it was nine, briefly joined by wendy (Tj commented that we have too many friends, but really, what can you do?). I'm back to sitting blearily through an 8am class and then passing out again afterward, although now I will make the effort to be dressed and awake, I swear. I'm back to eyeing TFB in the caf and really wishing I could just go over and talk to him, except I'm not really good at doing that in crowded places. Soon I'll be back to some interesting times on weekends, too (Sean's gleeful expression was priceless: "you have booze!"). Lol.

I'm proud of myself for asking Steve if I could come over last night when I found out the boys were watching the Boondock Saints, which I love. I've never really invited myself to hang out with them, last year I still felt kind of uncomfortable sometimes, like I couldn't tell if they cared if I was there or not. Plus Steve rooms with Dirk, the tall, silent, scowling, intimidating one who was mean to wendy and randomly said hi to us once in the hall last year, which frightened us both, and i definitely couldn't tell if he likes me or not. I ended up asking Steve flat out if Dirk disliked me being around, and he said no he's just like that to everyone and that "he's hard to read". That of course cracked me up, because what phrase does everyone from Greg to Deconti use to describe me? Hard to read, of course. Anyway I went over, Dirk actually said a complete sentence to me, which I suppose is progress. I do enjoy hanging out with them, though theirs is a completely different dynamic from my other friends, who are, well, more friendly. They are most definitely "guys" in the most typical sense of the word. Another way of putting it is that the guys like Sean, Tj, James, Andrew and the Mikes are the "brother" types, the ones who are always just your friends (well not if you're Meredith, wink wink nudge nudge), whereas Steve, Pete and Mark are the regular kind. Not exactly the romantic possibility kind, though I do admit to finding Steve pretty good-looking, but just the regular kind.

Anyway it's good to be back. I felt sort of bad telling Brian that I don't really miss him yet, but I haven't, really. I missed my friends, I missed seeing Sara like every day and hearing Rae giggle and having heather's sense of humor lighting everything up. I miss hanging out with Mel and jessi and just being the Windsor/Bloomfield/West Hartford girls. It is great to be back, I love Fairfield and I'm excited for my classes and for all the guys I plan to meet (though I'm telling myself to take things slowly this year, let's see how that goes), but still I kind of wish I could have things both ways.