tonight was a shitloaf of fun. yes i wrote SHITLOAF, it was originally shitload but i typed wrong and you know what i think it's better off that way. tonight was the gift exchange at khara's. mel cried when she read the little book i made for her, then laughed at the other stuff- an inflatable palm tree complete with coconut (since wendy's went over so well), stars, edible underwear flavored pina colada with rum, and a hot pink, strawberry flavored vibrator! lol. yes, going this morning to VIP by myself was sooooo sketchy. i mean it was a monday morning, but there were still only men in there besides the girl cashiers, and these were big burly middle aged men who all looked a tad embarassed to see me, like i was a reminder that their teenage kids are probably looking at the same stuff. when it came time to select an item for melissa, i was SO stumped. there were HUNDREDS of them, literally, all with cheesy names and naked chicks and various sizes, shapes, and flavors. yes, flavors. i even called khara for guidance, who found it so amusing i went in alone. i finally got one and left, picking up the underwear on the way out and feeling entirely too pleased that i was never carded. yay i look 18.

all the gifts were good. jessi gave me a hot topic gift cert and a LEGOLAS PIN WHICH IS ON MY CHEST!!! jessi recieved a bonzai tree with fiber optic lights from jess. emily gave jess some dvds and the free toothbrush she got from her dentist this morning. heather gave khara butt shorts and vicky's stuff, and heather got a bra/panty set from vicky's from mel, which she wanted to model. we made jesse (another one, this one male and khara's little bro who knows far too much about our scandalous lives) close his eyes and she came out in only her bra and with the undies on over her pants, and we were taking photos. then, true to the peerless comedy of our lives, KHARA'S DAD CAME HOME. it was so fucking hysterical! heather's face was priceless; first she dove toward us on the couch, then threw herself bodily into the bathroom just as he looked up. we were all practically peeing ourselves with laughter and he had no idea why, but he must be used to that by now!

later we went to the donut shop and this kid kyle who said he was a stripped in new york sat down with us, but his cuter friends didnt, they sat elsewhere. he was a tad sketchy i must say, and unsulted heather's drinking, and she was like "oh no a stripper from jersey did not just look down on me!" then who meanders in but sara lugo (s. lo from the block!) and steve "follow your nose" eberle. heather made him hug her, knowing full well he hates her guts. not like she gives a shit. then we returned to the hoyer home, saw mama hoyer who told us her amusing story about how she accidentally told mike craig's brother jiimmy that "anything is a step up from mike" (she didnt know he was his brother lol OR that mike and jess were back together).

other amusing anecdotes:
*discussing how an anonymous individual received some manual lovin' in a club bathroom* melissa: (confused), wait, so WHERE did she get fingered?"
jess: THE VAGINA!
the story of doctor flanagan giggling in church when the word "Ass" was mentioned in a song. discussing this tale later: jess: "so did they say ass like donkey, or ass like back that ass up?"
heather: (sings soprano) "jesus christ, baaaaaack that assssss uuuuuuuup! just like that!"
jess: "really?"

deconti taking an aerial picture of all seven of us with our hands on each other's boobs. random someone: "put your hand on my boobs!"
me: "khara has a free one!"
khara: "i have TWO free ones! "
deconti: "everyone look at me, look at me, YESSSSS!"

there were more but i can't remember them. poopies.