Here's what I wrote last night at home:

I need to type right now, I need to chronicle this, as usual. The past two days have been this crazy mix of feeling weird and uncomfortable and feeling that this is exactly where I wanted to be. Before I left FU I was sorta sad that I had to leave my wendy, my comfy pretty room, my independence, my friends, Andrew, all that and go back home, especially cause I didn¡¦t know what it would be like. And while it was definitely surreal at the outset, I¡¦m so glad to be home. I got disproportionately excited just to see ¡§rocky hill¡¨ on a road sign on I-91. then there was my house, which is never a source of excitement, and my family and my pets. Sheena looks amazing. The new groomer made her look like she lost ten pounds. I can¡¦t even hate her anymore, except when she¡¦s barking and trying to kill me as I leave the house. Sapphire ignored me upon my arrival, and gave me the cold shoulder until the evening, when both she and cinni-mini slept in my room. Cinnamon is actually right next to me on my pillow, which is gross and now I can¡¦t sleep on it tonight, but she so often is a sad, neurotic little kitty that I can¡¦t bear to shoo her away. Mr Binky has morphed into the most affectionate cat of all time¡Xhe is an absolute whore for petting. Unfortunately he still hates being picked up, which is why he¡¦s hiding from me downstairs and I¡¦m in my room with a scratch on my chest. Cleo is her usual scary self.
So Saturday I met up with sara at the mall, and I discovered that I don¡¦t miss shopping like I thought I did. I went into hot topic and I wasn¡¦t really interested in much. But I bought meghan¡¦s birthday present, and parts of the gifts for Andrew and my mom, which was good. I was really happy to see sara¡K.and heather, and rae! You guys rule! Friday night was awesome¡Xlaser tag!!! What could be better? I went with sara, heather, Emily, jess and Melissa and I had so much fun. I came in eighth this time. We were the only girls in the eleven pm game, which we made by about half a second before they closed the doors. Instead of taking up one position like I always do when I¡¦m trying to win, me and heather ran shrieking through the maze, shooting whoever we could and not caring when we didn¡¦t hit them. Sometimes I was laughing so hard at heahter¡¦s antics that I wasn¡¦t even shooting, especially when she was jumping up and down screaming ¡§I know kung fu! Can you deal with that?¡¨ and ¡§Feel my pain, bitch!¡¨ I think her personal favorite seemed to be ¡§Vengeance shall be mine, (insert name of person who shot her)!¡¨ it was awesome. Afterward we hung out at baskin robbins on the pike and went to melissa¡¦s new house to see the kittens she and jess have, which are only six weeks old and the cutest things ever. They were so tiny I found myself wondering exactly how they could work. Which is silly since there are plenty of small creatures but they were like a miniature version of cats. Last night was heather¡¦s birthday bash at hooter¡¦s, but we couldn¡¦t all meet till like eleven, so sara and I ended up going to see ¡§the rundown¡¨. It wasn¡¦t such a bad movie, and there were some funny parts, including the part where the rock got raped by an over-amorous monkey. Then we went back to her house, ostensibly to give rae some time with aj, but it turned out all she meant was time to put her shoes on, but instead I was calling Andrew and Lauren and sara was crocheting a scarf. So rae¡¦s parents were annoyed. We ended up getting to hooter¡¦s like 45 minutes early but it was ok because rae gave me my gift¡Xa shirt from the garment district, the thrift store in boston I got my semi dress from and a book on writing by Margaret atwood¡Xand then the three of us had a chance to talk for a good long while. Rae mentioned the fact that I was her first friend in high school, and sara was my first real friend like ever. I do miss them. It¡¦s not like my friends at Fairfield aren¡¦t amazing, they totally and completely are, but it¡¦s not the same. It was like going back to my roots this weekend. These are the people who have known and loved me for years, through thick and thin, through the periods of weirdness that I¡¦ve had with both sara and rae, yet I feel more connected to them than ever before. When I look at wendy or Lauren or any of my FU friends, I know them, but not through and through, not in the way that I can look at sara and see that I know her, and she knows me in the same way, with the accumulation of years of little things, trivial revelations and incidental happenings and those rare, beautiful times when you feel like there¡¦s nothing better in the entire universe than to have good friends.
When everyone else arrived it was fun too. Nicole was there; it was amusing to get someone else¡¦s perspective on FU aside from my friends. One of the things she asked me was if I¡¦d been to black rock yet, and I thought she meant the turnpike but she meant the bar. She hasn¡¦t ever been to the center of town, but she¡¦s been to the beach ¡§soooo many times¡¨. She highly recommends that I go, and hit the lacrosse guys¡¦ house cause they¡¦re the wild ones. Ok then. Rae gave heather a fake attachable mustache for her birthday, she was so in love with it. And she loved my pirate shorts as well. For my gift she gave me some slippers from Chinatown, an I love NY shirt¡Xin pink, of course¡Xand a crazy wild magic scarf like hers! It was so cool! I wanna try wearing it as a dress ƒº
Anyway I¡¦ve done absolutely nothing this weekend in terms of work. Cough. Apop and I are meeting at Sofia¡¦s tomorrow at 2pm to head back to FU in my mom¡¦s van (she refused to take the Tahoe). Tonight I¡¦m hooking up with greg and heather to visit Melissa at cvs. Greg has poison ivy unfortunately, so he¡¦s not too happy. I called Ashley today to see what was up, her parents are being predictably grrrr, but she was still glad to be home. I told her that I finally got my southwest pics developed, and the roadrunner came out well!! Heehee. Oh and last night on the pike jess was behind me driving melissa¡¦s car, and Melissa had the grand idea to ram the tahoe from behind, so I thought I hit something which would have been impressive since I was at a red light. The tahoe was fine, but there was a dent in melissa¡¦s hood and she was upset, so I don¡¦t think she¡¦ll be ramming me again too soon. I can¡¦t believe I didn¡¦t cone this weekend. Maybe heather and I can cone melly¡¦s car at cvs¡Khmmm¡K.i stroke the beard I do not have. Andrew has now talked to both sara and heather. Sara said that she approved of his voice, and heather just was so hysterical that Andrew was laughing most of the time. She basically entertained us with her half of the conversation the entire way back to her house from the pike. I¡¦m glad they both like him. Plus he¡¦s even better in person! Of course plans are being made for everyone to visit everyone else, and I really want to. I feel so close to everyone right now, but I also have the desire to go back to Fairfield, to my room and my roommate and my new life. It¡¦s weird not having anyone down the hall to chill with at odd hours, weird not to be able to slap lauren¡¦s ass and elicit some strange squeak. It¡¦s weird not making any jokes about apop¡¦s purse or andrew¡¦s showering habits or just anything else. When I first got home it was like everything at school was a dream and this was my reality. Slowly it¡¦s settling in that I can have two different experiences and it¡¦s ok, it¡¦s not betraying either.
The main thing I have learned from this weekend is that without the constant support and entertainment provided by the people I really love, I don¡¦t know where I¡¦d be. Thank you all so much.