it's the last week of classes. i want them to be over just because bleh, classes, yet i desperately don't want to have to leave all this. sigh.

i also miss tommy, enormously. it's not like i can't do this, i know i can. i really want to be with him. it's just hard, walking around campus seeing all these little happy couples walking around holding hands, knowing that it'll be pretty rare for me to get to do that. part of me was like "dammit michelle, couldn't you have just fallen for someone who went to your own school?" but then i look around and realize that no one here is quite like tommy, and i know he's the one i want. but it doesn't really make loneliness much better.

when you first start dating someone, there's like this month-long 'honeymoon' period where everything is just absolutely amazing and you just can't wait to see them and every time you do you get little butterflies in your stomach. after that the butterflies kind of stop because you fall into a pattern, more or less, and you get used to one another, or at least that's how it works when you see the other person a lot, which has always been my experience. so now i'm wondering if this whole honeymoon thing will just be extended for me and tommy because we won't be around each other all the time, like the newly dating so often are. and is this a good thing? a bad thing? i really don't know. it's not like i'm blind to the things i don't like, which would just manifest themselves after the bloom is off the rose, so to speak. i don't like that he's drunk during the week, i really don't. be drunk on weekends, whatever, who cares, but when you've got class it's just stupid. i don't really like talking to him when he's drunk, or when he's in a roomful of people, because it's weird to be this one person sitting in a quiet room competing with the voices of a bunch of other loud drunks. it reminded me of what greg used to do, when we'd be on the phone talking and i'd feel like he was ignoring me because he was talking to his friends online. if it really bothers me i'll say something, i won't let it be like last time, when i just kept ignoring it and ignoring it till i got irrationally angry over a single occurrence. yeah. learn from past mistakes.