tonight made me genuinely glad to be home. not even the sight of my little sapphire curled up on the bed made me as satisfied as going to see "The Prince and Me" with sara and totally hanging onto each other at the crazy emotional moments in the movie (and also when they were about to start going at it in the library, that was hot) and squealing and being utterly girly. it was great. as for everyone who mocked me for wanting to see this movie, it was completely worth it! it was not simply a cutesy movie about an incredibly gorgeous prince, it was about julia stiles' character having to choose between being a queen and her dreams of being a doctor and helping people. in the end.....well i won't tell you the end, but it's definitely the right choice that she makes. female empowerment, right on! then i sang loudly to myself on the drive home, and had a good chat with my mom as she baked that sort of made up for the anger this afternoon. so it's been a good night.

after the movie ended we were talking for a minute about that whole issue of choosing between your dreams and someone you truly love. it's such a hard question. you could say "omnia vincit amor", but honestly, i don't want to sacrifice my dreams for anyone.

in my mind when i think into the future, i always have this idea that after graduation i'll pack up and move to spain for a few years, just for the hell of it. i never usually envision a significant other in there, but what if there were one? what if i were completely lucky *crosses fingers* and like got a fulbright scholarship to spain or something, but there was someone here that i were truly in love with?i can't possibly imagine myself giving up that opportunity, i feel like i'd hate myself forever. right now my plans for the future are almost entirely nebulous, but there is one concrete point of reference: spain. spain is the only dream i have right now. still, i can't entirely speak from experience on this either, because i've never yet loved someone so completely that i feel like i would give up anything for them. i loved greg, but if for some reason he'd been like "skip college, let's go away", i would have said fuck no, bye. will i find someone like that? or will there always be something that i just can't sacrifice?

quite possibly these are questions that i won't be able to answer until i find myself in that situation. i hope that i never will.

my mom just called me upstairs to lick the spoon from making the blueberry muffins. damn, life is good right now.

oh, and is it weird that watching chick flicks that deal a lot with marriage always leave me with the "damn i wanna be married" feeling? it only lasts for like an hour, it's definitely fading now....i'm so impressionable. most of the time i'm like no way, i don't want to be confined to marriage, but sometimes i'm like well, it would be incredible to know that you have this one person you can truly rely on for the rest of your life (ignoring the insane divorce rate in this country). it's not so much the sexually liberated aspect of the single life that draws me, it's more the idea of being free, not tied down forever...but something inside me says that this is just a phase, that one day i'll realize that utter freedom can be pretty lonely.

Ten Things That Make Michelle Happy Today:
1.) blueberry muffin batter
2.) the smell of baking things
3.) cats who love me
4.) incredibly fluffy beds
5.) the last hug i received, which was from sara
6.) the sight of my mom puttering about the kitchen
7.) movies that end well
8.) eating cheese and strawberries and chocolate for dinner
9.) obstinately remaining in the car with the stereo blasting in sara's quiet neighborhood until "sober" finished playing
10.) thinking about tommy