and so we're sarcastic and pretend to insult each other over the phone, when all i want to do is tell him how much i love lying in my bed, the lights turned down almost to the point of darkness, with his voice in my ear. i close my eyes and even though the connection isn't great i can almost pretend that he's lying there next to me and that tonight is not another night i will spend missing him as i drift off to sleep. but i didn't say it, for one reason or another, so instead i write it down here. maybe i'll give him the link to this sometime. he said he didn't understand why we all keep these journals, and i said that it was to keep up with each others' lives, and it is, to a point. it's part public-service announcement, the daily news brief on michelle's life, but also part tangible organization of michelle's thoughts and things she wants to remember. i'm not sure if there are any reasons why i wouldn't want him reading this....i guess it's mostly because of what happened with greg, because when i knew that he had the link i got more self-conscious about what i was writing, which i shouldn't have, but i did. my relationship with tommy is different than the one i had with greg; i couldn't put into words exactly how that's the case, i just feel like it is. i feel closer to him, i guess. i don't know. i think i need some sleep; tomorrow will be a full day.