weird weird weird weird WEIRD. tomorrow morning i am leaving this place, and i know i should go to bed because i'm getting up early to eat breakfast with meredith but i can't, i don't want to sleep, i don't want to wake up because then it will all well and truly be over. wendy's stuff is all gone and our little room is so sad. tonight will be the only night ever that i will go to sleep being able to see the ceiling, since our beds are no longer bunked. lotta fun getting those apart--greg really did a number on them when we moved in. i had that strange feeling of missing him again tonight, probably because he was here when i moved in, he saw how sterile it was when i first unlocked the door, and now it's back to that way again. so i called, and we talked for a while, and it was fun.

hm, tonight must have been have-fun-with-exes night--andrew and i had a war in the hallway, me with my deadly dart gun and him with that pathetic bow and arrow. he's going to be bruised tomorrow, baby. it was ironic in that it kind of proved that he and i can actually get along when we're not drunk, as opposed to what he observed tuesday night when we were stumbling around the halls together. anyway that was a lot of fun.

we also all went out to see "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" tonight, which was a good movie and one that got me thinking about memories and regrets and all that. i came to the quick conclusion that i wouldn't erase anyone--andrew was actually the first thing that came to mind, but then i realized i would lose what i learned from that, namely don't date sketchy clingy cubans! i had the fleeting thought of greg, but i know that there were just too many good times there for me to ever want to erase it. too much happiness. the last half of high school would have been dramatically different for me if i hadn't been with him, and probably not for the better. in the movie they tell the people whose memories are being erased that they have to bring in every single thing they have that reminds them of the person--thinking about that later i was like holy shit, no way could i manage that. i'm a fucking pack rat. i save everything, for the express purpose of being reminded of things when i poke through them later. plus i'd have to give up my tool hoodie, huggy the bear, the tool tshirt i am currently wearing....(that purple heart candle though, i'd give that up real fast). how crazy is it that i still have a nametag that says "GREG" stuck on my wall at home? that i still have a miniature prom picture on my bookshelf? seven months and three boyfriends later, and there's still remnants, everywhere. i remember seeing on his site something about how he was tempted to gather up everything that reminded him of me and throw it out or burn it, but he didn't, and i'm glad he didn't. i wouldn't have.

alright enough about old flames...michelle misses current flame. i miss a lot of people right now, wendy, tj, sean, popham, etc, so at least i'm a little used to missing tommy. no, nevermind that really doesn't make me feel any better. i might be able to see him monday or so. this weekend's going to suck, going up to MA for graduation, all that family, then jen's little pal coming home with us, everyone asking me about college and me just desperately wanting to come back, to open the door to campion 425 and find wendy, half dressed, straightening her hair or lying on my bed with baby bop, to come back to my friends here and my freedom here and my life. i never realized it would be this hard to leave. jesus. how hard will it be to graduate? i don't even want to know. i just want to STAY.