oh, and i just realized that my Poems file on my computer, which i started once i got to fairfield, reached sixty pages tonight. i've been a prolific little bastard this year. they're not all good, but there are some i just love. i think this is my favorite poem that i've ever written:

What I Really Meant to Tell You


I just wanted you to know
that the words that came
out of my mouth today
weren’t at all what I wanted you to hear.
In place of “Excuse me,”
I meant to tell you that your eyes
are the exact shade of blue
that El Greco used for the robe of God
In his famous Day of Judgement,

and if you heard me say
“Could you pass me a straw?”
what I actually said was that
I wish that I could sit by you
and write endless poems
about the grace of your hands.

Also, when I said “good-bye”, I meant it,
but next to that last e was a single,
silent declaration of my love,
(in case you didn’t hear).

yes i've posted it before, but i do love it. it was pretty early, it's only on page 15 lol. ironically, this was kind of inspired by TFB, after i brushed into him in the cafeteria and did not say any of the wonderful things i could have said to entice/entrap him. then i thought he was gay, and i stopped liking him anyway, but i still loved the poem, and then i discovered he is in fact not gay, and now the poem seems a bit ironic to me, but who cares, i still love it!