Continuation

So where did I leave off? Oh yes, Tommy. What else. Haha. I won't lie; whenever my mind is not occupied or engaged in some task or conversation or activity, I think about him, our relationship, and our breakup. I suppose it's rather inevitable. But aside from thinking nostalgically about all the small things about Tommy that I really adored, I mostly just think about how right he was, how right Wendy was, how right my friends are. I guess I surprised myself with how not emotional I've been. I haven't cried since right afterward, in that hour or so when I was talking to sara and heather on the phone in wendy's driveway. Compare that to the string of what, four days, like a week ago, when I kept crying because I was unhappy. It's not like it doesn't hurt, and yes it still really stings that for once I was dumped and not the other way around, but it really just couldn't have worked out any other way. Once we got back to school, things probably would have only gotten worse. If I felt dissatisfied with the way he acted when I was driving an hour down to see him, imagine how I would have felt if I'd taken like a three hour train ride up to Marist only to feel the same way I'd been feeling before?

I realized also that in all my "hold on" moments, when I think of all the happy stuff, I'm really focusing more on the beginning of our relationship, when things really were good, and not on the latter part, when they kinda sucked and I just kept trying not to focus on that. The fact that he's hot, that he's really sweet, that he made me laugh, that I loved his car-dancing and the way he smelled and all that, that's not enough to sustain a relationship. It's so sad, because I love him and I really fell hard for him, but we just don't work.
This is really the first time I've had to confront something like that in my life. It's like battle of the song lyrics: "Love will find a way" vs "Sometimes love just ain't enough". In this case, Omnia vincit amor just didn't hold true.