i missed 11:11 again tonight. funny that there are so few wishes that i would write on this page for the world to see. perhaps the least incriminating (because the secret wishes usually are, they betray how petty or weak we are to desire such things) wish is the universal one: "i want to be happy". it's not like i'm desperately unhappy right now; i'm perfectly fine. it's more like a benediction for the future, a hope that sometime soon i will achieve some sort of Shangri-La euphoric stage in my life where i fully recognize that everything around me is wonderful. it's also a desire that i have absolutely no idea how to go about fulfilling on my own. i don't even know what would make me so euphorically happy or if such is even possible. there is also the complication that in certain cases what would make me happy would make someone else i love unhappy; how can one possibly deal with that except to hope that the desire fades?