Hm. After reading greg's friend conor's site, i have come to the conclusion that my own is not hardly as interesting. oh well. that might be because i really don't write for other people too much. i mean, it's hard not to, to some extent, because i know there are people who read this, but rarely am i purposely thinking "hmm, what should i write to get X reaction from my friends?". there are also the times when i want to bitch about someone on here but i don't because they read the journal, but that hasn't actually happened in a long time. now i just bitch about people who don't read it, like greg. i do believe that greg read my site maybe three times since i've had it. so many of the times when i really was writing for an audience, i was writing to him, trying to tell him something because i always had trouble communicating the things that made me unhappy. i was doing it right up until the end, hoping somehow that he would check it out and understand how i was feeling. but he never did. he said he didn't see the point in reading a site that focused on someone's day to day life rather than their poetry or their deep philosophical outlook on existence. well excuse me for not falsely believing myself to be wise. i always read his site, just because it gave me an inside look at the way his life was going. not that it ever told me much, or made too much sense.

so i pretty much know that i can complain about greg on here without worrying about him reading it. and if he did, well , it would probably be one of the first times in our relationship that i would be telling him something outright instead of relying on his intuitiveness. we all know men sorely lack intuition. he really pissed me off last night. when he told me like two months ago that apc was coming to the oakdale, i said i wanted to go. ergo, with him. this was after we'd broken up, so it's not like there was any date factor about it. then last night he tells me he already got tickets, with steve eberle, and points out they're in the front of the section where heather and i are in the back (i bought tix last night). i was like, "bitch!" he never even mentioned it to me. real sweet. there's been other pissy behavior of his lately, but i don't really have to deal with him so i don't care. he wants to believe he's this wise man, go right ahead. i'm going to be a bitch for a minute, though, blame it on pms, i dont care. this is something he posted a while back: "this has raised my desire to move on from community college to a school where people are on a more equal thinking level. this school does not have any intellectual stimulation. i struggle through it because i'm bored and unchallenged. the topics are mundane and often fit for high school students. " *cough cough*. when he says things like that, i have a desire to point out to him that the reason he's at mcc is because he did poorly in high school, when the topics were "fit" for his level. it's not that he's stupid, because i know he isn't; it's because he's lazy and didn't do anything. you want to talk about chi? fine. how about karma? the concept of your actions having positive or negative consequences on your future? you do jack shit in high school, you wind up where you wind up. you do jack shit in community college and you're not going to go anywhere. maybe they're not the best teachers, maybe the other kids are morons, but suck it up. complaining about it will not get you out of your situation. only doing your work and focusing on graduating will do that.

there, i'm done being a bitch. and greg, if you ever do read this, i'm sorry but that's the way i see it. and i'm NOT sorry about being pissed about apc, because even if we didnt have specific plans it would have been nice to even remind me to get my own tickets!

ndrew just told me im funny when i'm grumpy. grrrrrrr.